Seasonal selective disorder
01 December, 2006
There are some parts of Christmas that I unqualifiedly enjoy – carol singing, nativity plays, two bank holidays, too much turkey, Michael Vaughan scoring a triple century in the Melbourne Test Match – but equally there are some unpleasant bits. By far the worst being the impossible task of selecting Christmas presents: what to buy for the person who already has everything?My grandparents’ piano is eloquent testimony to the sort of difficulties that Christmas present selection can give rise to. On top of their piano you will find a vast number of jugs. Big jugs and little jugs. Wide jugs and narrow jugs. White jugs, blue jugs, violet and green jugs. Plain jugs, pretty jugs, ugly jugs, Toby jugs. Boring jugs, lovely jugs, dreary and exciting jugs. The truth is that my grandparents have no special interest in jugs. What happened was that they had the misfortune to possess a couple, at some time or other, and to place them side by side on top of the piano. Somebody noted this, and thoughtfully bought them another one for Christmas. Upon receipt of which they politely said, ‘Why, thank you! We shall add it to our collection’. Things started to snowball from there.If you are struggling to think of Christmas presents, you might wish to take a look at the catalogues that fall out of your Sunday newspaper. I have just browsed through one such, and was delighted to find that for just £39.99 I can buy a wooden ramp for my dog, to help him climb into the boot of my car. It is apparently perfect for the older dog, and kind to my back. Hurrah! Forty pounds for a three-foot plank of wood – where do I sign?You can buy almost anything from these catalogues. Planning to go to the Moon? Then you will need a Space Pen. For just £13.95, it writes in space – as well as upside down and underwater! The more modest traveller will be tempted by the numerous celebrity voice add-ons for your sat nav system. For as little as £4.99 you can have Elvis as your navigator, or even Tony Blair! (Who would probably send you right whenever you wanted to go left, and spend the last third of the journey explaining how he hadn’t really sent you down the wrong road at all.)And I wonder if any readers intend to buy their nearest and dearest the Bird Song Clock this year? This essential ornithological gift is a fully functioning clock, the difference being that where you would expect to find a 1 you will find a chaffinch. And at six o’clock we find a picture of an owl. At nine we have a blue tit. But the great thing is that when the hour hand swings past each species of bird, you are greeted by the corresponding species of birdsong. Wonderful news! Until now I have had to hire a manservant to perform just that function. Even better, the manufacturers really have thought of everything: ‘At night, a clever sensor in the clock turns the sound off until the morning’. A clever and, I think, a necessary sensor.Speaking of which, a very clever censor is about to turn me off. Old Father Time has just chirruped in my ear that my two years as editor of this magazine are up. I would therefore like to thank the people who have made my stay here so enjoyable. Firstly thanks to the countless authors of the articles, the news, and the letters. Without these my job would have been easier, but less interesting. Thanks to the editorial team who have looked after the various sections of the magazine wonderfully well – Seamus Creedon, Wendy Crockford, Paula Jackson, Laurence Kleerekoper, Rakhee Raja, Tristan Walker-Buckton, David Clouston, and Hannah Cook. Thanks to our cartoonist, Satoshi, and his creative whirligig of an imagination. Thanks to Peter Tompkins and the members of the Editorial Advisory Panel, for all their wise counsel. Mille grazie to my predecessor, Matthew Edwards, for his invaluable advice. Thanks to my employer, Watson Wyatt, and to SIAS for permitting me to carry out the role of editor in the first place. And to Three Rivers Publishing, in particular John Harris, Jo Morley, and Lesley Wyper, for running the show so well and being such fun to work with. Finally, best wishes to Margaret de Valois, who will be your editor from January 2007, and season’s greetings to all readers.
